Voleuse schreef:Eigenlijk vind ik dat je jezelf heel negatief benoemt. Hoezo ben je needy? Je hebt gewoon behoeftes zoals iedereen voor zover ik kan lezen. Dat je partner maanden zonder seks kan is bijzonder, dat jij dan behoefte heb aan seks lijkt me heel normaal.
Dank je wel voor je bericht, Voleuse. Ik weet niet anders dan dat het binnen onze relatie ik degene ben die 'meer wil'. Weet niet of het zo simpel is, manlief masturbeert wel maar seks samen is niet zo vaak. Hij ziet seks met mij als 'teveel werk'. En nee, hij gaat niet vreemd of zo. Dus dacht ik: wat als ik de rollen omdraai en dat hij lekker niets hoeft te doen, alleen ondergaan? Zou hij dan vaker zin hebben?
Met 'needy' bedoel ik dit
“Submissive women are indeed incredibly needy when compared with vanilla women. They have physical, emotional and mental needs; needs that
absolutely must be met. Needs that vanilla women don’t have.
The meeting of a submissive woman’s needs is much more involved, and demanding, than that of a vanilla woman.
So in the grand scheme of things, submissive women are incredibly
needy. No matter how much they don’t want to think of themselves that
way, no matter how vehemently one may protest it. It is true.â€
en
"One of the reigning themes in a huge percentage of the blogs is submissive need.
I read about people who feel awful for not doing their tasks and not staying on track with their rules. People who take these feelings to their Dominants and ask to be punished for it, ask for him to keep them in line, whatever.
It’s less about him being disappointed than it is about them needing more attention, needing him to keep them in their place.
He may not even have noticed whatever it is she did wrong. May not really care. May totally understand that things get in the way, even if it’s just the occasional lazy mood or depressed day. But she comes to him anyway, obligating him, in a way, to keep her in line.
I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m not judging it, that’s for sure. I’m simply using it as an example of our neediness as submissive women.
Another constant is complaints about how much play time we’re getting or how much attention he’s paying to the rules and the structure of the relationship. We seem to be constantly needing that hand in the hair, that rough and tumble, caveman stuff to validate our place. Constantly needing the spankings, the use, the take charge attitude. We need him to control more and more and more or it all feels routine and bland. We need so much consistency and so many reminders…
It makes me wonder…
Makes me begin to truly believe that we, as submissives, need the things we get from him far more and far more often than they need what we give them.
That our needs are so much more difficult to appease than theirs are.
Their job, their role, is so hugely demanding. It’s so much harder than ours in so many ways.
Sure, we need to be at their beck and call, need to be obedient, need to follow the rules. But, if we admit it, for most of us the rules are simple. Being the submissive is so much more simple than being the Dominant.
They have to stay in that Dominant space all the damned time or they lose our respect, they lose control of us and the situation, they become “less†to us if they’re not perfectly Dominant whenever we need them to be. (Which seems to be always for most of us)
They need to think, constantly, about what’s best not just for them but for us. Our needs are a huge responsibility and there are so very many of them.
The balance is so fragile at times.
We perform best when we’re well fed, well used, well cared for – our needs seen to by our Dominant partners.
When they slack a little we feel out of sync and screwed up and less willing and eager to do what we’re supposed to. We feel the need to be punished and put back in our places.
We feel the same way when we slack, when we’re having a bad day or whatever.
It is all…
All of it…
Up to the Dominant partner in the long run.
And I think we sometimes wear them down with our neediness.
It should be so simple.
A perfect match, a perfect harmony between Dominant and submissive and Sadist and masochist if that’s part of your dynamic.
But it’s not.
We always seem to need more of everything than they do.
We are never simple.
We are these huge, vibrating balls of need that he must balance so very carefully…
We give a great deal in our submission.
I think we expect him to give just as much.
But I don’t think that’s part of the Dominant personality.
As submissives we’re givers.
It’s part of what feeds us, keeps us sane, makes us who we are.
But we expect them to meet our giving with an equal amount of meeting our needs and wants, of meeting our expectations…
And I don’t know if I think that’s right.
I mean I don’t know if I think it’s natural and possible.
I don’t know if Dominants have that same constant focus upon it all as we do.
I mean…
They train us to be a certain way, to do things a particular way, to know what they want and need and what pleases them.
I imagine they train us that way so that they can, eventually, relax and get their needs met by well trained girls.
I think that’s the goal.
And yet we never cease being needy.
Once we know how to make the coffee just so and the bed the way he likes it and to anticipate when he needs his next soda or beer or bowl of popcorn, once we learn to cook dinner to his liking and dress the way he desires and suck his dick just so, once we learn to fuck and suck at his beck and call and do his laundry properly and all the other things they train and teach us to do….
We still want the dominance. The fist in the hair dragging us about making us feel submissive.
Just DOING the stuff doesn’t fully get us their. The actual submitting isn’t enough.
We find reasons to not do tasks or ways to struggle so that they have to continue dominating us, we cry about missing the feeling of certain things, we moan about not being told what to do anymore, not being ordered and forced…
I dunno, man.
I think Iâ€m babbling.
I don’t know if my thoughts are making sense.
I know I’ve been with Taylor goin’ on six years here.
And my neediness never really abates.
And, as he said in the forum, he knows that it takes a lot to provide a proper environment for a submissive women and that it must be done, that our needs must be met. But, at the same time, it’s so so so much harder to do now than it was five years ago.
If I screw things up it’s pure stupidity on my part because after six years I already know what and how he wants things done.
And yet I still want to feel compelled to do them, dominated into doing some things.
That’s got to be frustrating to him.
To all Dominants, really.
Sure, there are super slaves out there. Those who really and truly get off and are happy with just serving no matter the Dominants reaction, no matter what they are given in return. It’s the serving that they need, pure and simple.
Most of us aren’t like that.
Most of us thrive not just on service but upon domination; upon the giving, exchanging and wresting of power from one to the other.
We don’t just thrive on it. We need it.
We are needy, needy, needy.
It makes me wonder how often our own needs come before his in our minds?
How often we’re really putting him first, really serving him, really fulfilling our end of the deal.
We seem to need so very much more than they do.
I think I need to think about that more when I sulk and bitch and stomp my feet over the small things that are expected of me.
I think I need to appreciate him more.
He doesn’t always give me what I want and need when I want and need it.
But my wants and needs can be consuming and overwhelming and I’m not sure, anymore, that I think it’s his responsibility to meet them all just because I want and need him to. Maybe, sometimes, I just need to practice more self control and try to be less needy and demanding of his attention.
Aren’t we here to make his life easier, not harder?"
